Political capital in the state Capitol or $88 dollars a day . . .

--Indulging himself with his usual copious amounts of brandy, blowhard Mike Ellis vows to increase Michael “Willie Nelson” Boerger’s already stratospheric senate staffer salary in exchange for Boerger’s ponytail. Ellis’ longtime personal chauffeur and valet, Kurt Schultz, looks on.

--Jeff Wood must have accepted a gift of height-enhancing, grow-taller shoes from Robin Kreibich because Kreibich’s primary opponent Wood fielded never materialized because the prospective candidate didn’t file nomination signatures.

--Pettis-Musser breakup imminent: a couple no more and they cannot claim marital benefits for sharing a hotel room while collecting $88 a day per diem in Madison.

--In a candid tell-all, Amy Sue Vruwink admits that all the venison is gone from the deer she shot last year: Jennifer Shilling, the other half of Thelma and Louise, vouches for her.

--Car guy Andy Lamb plans on driving his John Deere Gator from Menomonie to Madison to protest outrageous gasoline prices.

--Kitty Rhoades somehow, accidentally, steps on her wristwatch breaking it and then blaming Medicaid reimbursement for not replacing it.

--John Gard reacquaints himself with Peshtigo and manure spreader dealers in the Lena, Wisconsin area.

--Snarlin’ Marlin Schneider visits Wisconsin Rapids for the first time in 36 years.

--Campaigning less from the 19th hole of a nearby golf course, Dave Travis washes dishes at an American Legion to win votes and distract his opponent Henry Sanders.

--Gregg Underheim announces his own political party: The PIPs or Public Instructionists Party.

--Bob Jauch retaliates against a rash of pink billboards in northern Wisconsin by calling WMC’s James Buchen and James Haney in the middle of the night and promptly hanging up on ‘em.

--Alan Lasee injudiciously condemns his dog to death for chasing a cat and failing to catch it.

--Dave Zien forsakes 23rd Senate District and mysterious VA benefits for traveling gun show.

--Jim Kreuser renounces fractionalized – at least 29 separate - Democratic caucuses.

--Lee Nerison petitions to relocate Miller Park to Vernon County for his convenience on game day.

--After totaling his Ford Ranger pickup truck, Gundy offers to give free driving lessons to his primary opponent David Richmond.

--Still wandering the statehouse hallways carrying a box of nomination papers, Glenn Grothman wonders whether Steve Walters will ever be his friend again after he unexpectedly dropped in on Walter’s kitchen.

--Declaring his candidacy and leaving it at that, D. Azaniah Elhanan, a resident of the UW Eagle Heights grad student apartments, gives Spencer Black yet another free pass in an election year.

--Roger Breske proposes 10-year terms in office for state senators and quadrupling per diem and gasoline mileage compensation for state senators.

--After losing TWICE to Dave Hansen in 30th Senate District campaign races, former state Sen. Gary Drzewiecki claims he’d be much more satisfied with enough votes to represent the 89th Assembly District.

--Bob Ziegelbauer handily hushes critics that say he might have difficulty representing the 25th Assembly District and still be the Manitowoc County Executive at the same time.

--Cracking down on city employees, Whitehall Mayor Rod Moen’s new edicts are no smoking in city trucks or other vehicles, and city employees cannot wear their city uniforms into bars after work.

--When WisconsinEye cameras begin rolling, finally, home audiences will be able to see and hear Mark Pocan receiving cellular phone calls from his veterinarian about Pocan’s dog’s worms while the Assembly is in a floor session.